Inner Child

She literally bounces as we enter the room. It reminds me of Tigger and that damn catchy song. She's giggling away, showing her toothy grin running in and out of the furniture only to pop her head around a table leg or a door to shout 'boo!' I ask her what she's laughing at- she looks at me, doesn't reply and just continues giggling away as if in her own world.

It takes a short while before she's snatching all the photos around the room to show me again, impressively remembering all their names but not recognising me, without my glasses, in one of the photos. This, she insists cannot be me. I play the same game with her in one of HER photos. She giggles some more and brings out proof of the huge pink glasses she is wearing in the picture. Soon, she's taking out all her toys to show me, one by one, giggling away as I start to play along with her.

Being around kids is refreshing, not least because there's no need to form an intellectual conversation or even coherent sentences, but because they, this girl is so full of energy. I find it rubbing off on me until I'm blushing pink, part from giggling along with her and the other from holding up her baby brother who, mesmerized by the TV and the current season of Dancing on Ice, is actually dancing with his feet bouncing on my lap. I suddenly have a new found appreciation for mothers.

I wonder how I came to this point, as an adult. Kids know exactly what they want, if they haven't got it then they'll scream the house down. At some point then, I knew exactly what I wanted, my mum never misses an opportunity to tell me what a nightmare baby I was, crying persistently. Now my wants are riddled with apprehension, self-doubt and inhibition. So much sometimes that it becomes disguised underneath it all. Was it experience and knowledge of the world and how it works that has set my heart back a notch? Maybe I'm having some kind of mid-mid-life crisis but I think its too early to be becoming all bitter and twisted.

Sometimes I wish I could have just a slice of that kid-like charm. To see the world through fresh eyes, without that skepticism or tainted view that sometimes holds us back. And that energy- its incredible, I can feel my blood pumping through my veins, something that working in an office compiling audit papers doesn't give.

But I'm here, barely beginning my adult life wondering what I can do to get that spark back.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3

Wabi-sabi

From wikipedia:

Comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transienorce. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent and incomplete"

The art of imperfection.

Sometimes its not about the grand gestures, the airbrushed photos or effort to make everything 'perfect'. In our mass-produced, globalised, constantly changing and fast-moving culture where iphones are disposed of yearly for a newer, better models which have none of the shortcomings of its predecessors, we crave something else. At least I do.

I know that if I kept up with this race of technology, I'll never be satisfied. There will always be something faster, more powerful and more efficient. If it weren't for this our economy could not be growing the rate it is (on a global scale- not exactly UK at the minute), businesses couldn't be more efficient or be able to serve our growing population and consumer needs. Those days of economics 101 come into play where we're taught to shift the production possibility frontier outwards and try and solve the basic economic problem; limited resources, unlimited wants.

But in our own lives, we have to reach that level of satisfaction. Level with ourselves to appreciate what we have, of course this doesn't mean giving up our dreams to become an astronaut, international rugby player or sucessfully carry out our plan of world domination. Just to be content with being. I don't know if this contrasts what I've said before; can we strive for more-be better people and have that incentive to invent and develop better products whilst being at ease with who we are, whilst appreciating our imperfections and what we have?

Perhaps its just all about finding that balance.

Its nature for me. Pure uncensored, uncontrollable, authentic beauty of nature. It may have its flaws- leaves fall off and decay as Autumn turns to Winter. Weathering can leave cracks in the rocks and trees are subject to the mark of time. But there's an aching magnificence about it. Its the muted beauty of the sun peeking out through the trees, a lake so still any ripples will be magnified and fresh morning dew settling on newly sprung daffodils. It somehow instills a quietness of mind, an inspiration of stillness and of contentment. The need to just be rather than do.

And so I had that priveledge this morning. An early rise leading to a morning walk outside on the grounds. This place is the heart of Birmingham, just a few minutes away from the chocolate factory and literally right next to the main Bristol Road. Yet, it manages to be a closed retreat- a getaway from the hustle and bustle of the mad London rush and the piercing Brummie accent. There was no-one around, save for a few geese who had not yet been chased away. Just the morning sun, fresh air and the breakthrough signs of springtime.


Edit: Why this post came out in strange font I have no idea. I struggled for 5 minutes trying to get it to change back to normal but the realised it was against the whole nature of the post.

The path of destruction

It starts life as just a seed. All it takes is that one passing comment, one flicker of uncertainty to plant it in the dark recesses of the mind.

From time to time, you forget about it. Forget it exists. Then its as if its a spark waiting to happen, like a fire needing the three crucial elements to burn. Without one, it would flicker out. With all three, it has the power to destroy.

And once it starts up, its difficult to put out. It continues along its war path, no particular direction or form, just continues to gather speed and pick up anything-good or bad- that should fall in its way. So then you forget what caused it in the first place, what ignited that one spark that turned it into a fully fledged monster.

Instead you can only look back at the path of destruction it has made. Look to the path ahead and find a way to control it. To put it out and salvage what there is left.

Who listens to our soul in its search to be heard?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3